Tag Archives: poly links

Some of my Writing Elsewhere…

First of all, last week I wrote a guest post on Offbeat Bride, the best wedding blog on the interwebs. I first discovered Offbeat Bride a few years ago while helping a friend plan her wedding, and it’s the only wedding resource I’ve been reading for ideas and inspiration since my boyfriend and I decided to have a wedding next year. Offbeat Bride has featured poly posts in the past, and they offer an extremely safe and inclusive environment for those of us in non-traditional relationships. You wouldn’t expect a wedding blog to be one of the most poly-friendly places on the internet, but they truly are. My post there is about the things I wrestled with in deciding whether to have a wedding with my boyfriend, and I’m very thankful to Offbeat Bride for publishing it and for all the kind comments I’ve received.

Last evening, an essay I wrote about my family went up over at Salon. It’s wonderful and also a bit unnerving to tell our personal story in such a visible, mainstream publication. In the essay, I focus quite a bit on how ordinary my family feels to me, and I realize that there can be pitfalls of falling into a kind of “assimilationist” mindset, ie. “look how normal we are! We’re just like everyone else!” I certainly don’t want poly families to be accepted only on the grounds that we closely resemble traditional families; there is countless variety in the structures of poly relationships, and I don’t want to put forth a homogenous view of poly relationships as something just like traditional nuclear families only with an extra adult or two. At the same time, though, I don’t know how to talk about my own family without returning to the fact that it does feel very simple and ordinary to me, and I believe that there is value in sharing the personal stories that potentially humanize us to society-at-large. In some ways, it seems incredibly strange that simply describing my family in a very visible way feels like a revolutionary act. But then, that’s exactly why I believe such things are necessary.

I’ve had a whole lot of new blog readers as a result of both of these publications, so if you’ve found your way here through Offbeat Bride or Salon, welcome! I hope you stick around.

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New Column at Modern Poly

If you just can’t get enough Radical Poly, then you’ll be happy to know I’ll be writing a regular column for Modern Poly’s ezine. The column, in a similar vein to this blog, will examine polyamory in a sociopolitical context.

Modern Poly is an excellent site full of great poly info and viewpoints, and I’m glad to have written for them in the past and to be writing for them in the future. Their blog was a bit quiet for a while, but I’m happy to see it back in full force with a June ezine exploring the topic of marriage from a variety of angles. And it’s always appreciated to have other places (aside from my own blog, where I generally let myself say anything I damn well please) where I’m given freedom to express my way-left-of-center point of view.

Go support Modern Poly, read the fine articles, buy some cute poly gear (including some with my Solidarity design!), and if you’re interested, check out the first installment of my column, “An Informed Polyamory Movement,” where I discuss the Voting Rights Act, the Texas filibuster, the roots of all hierarchies, and what the heck all of this has to do with polyamory!

So, What Does This DOMA Repeal Mean For Us?

First of all, I want to say that while repealing DOMA is obviously a huge victory for gay and lesbian folks, there’s a lot more to LGBTQ rights than marriage equality. Queer and trans* folks need equal access to things like housing and employment and healthcare; a staggering number of queer and trans* youth (especially queer and trans* folks of color) are currently homeless. Trans women and gender non-conforming male-bodied people are more likely than any other segment of the LGBTQ population to be victims of violent crime, including murder. Marriage rights matter to a lot of people in a lot of very real ways, but they’re not the only thing that matters, and we need to keep sight of that as we move forward.

That being said, onto a bit of a look at polyamory’s place in all of this!

I’ll have a longer post with more of my own thoughts on the matter coming soon, but right now I just want to offer a few links to some of the conversations that are already happening.

Over at BuzzFeed, an article went up about polygamists celebrating the DOMA ruling. Though polygamy only technically means multiple marriage, we all know that it’s traditionally associated with certain fundamentalist religious practices. As more articles like this appear, it’s going to be important for polyamorists to make our voices heard as well, and to clarify how we differ in practice from one-sided patriarchal polygamy.

Over at Poly In the Media, Alan offered a little round-up of his own, featuring a handful of articles about multi-partner marriage that have cropped up in the past few days.

At Modern Poly, several new articles with a variety of perspectives on the theme of marriage were published in June, just ahead of the court’s ruling.

As I’m in the early stages of planning my own (non-legal) wedding with one of my partners, this is all a very timely discussion for me. The jury is still out among poly activists as to whether marriage rights are really something we consider a pressing issue, though the majority of us seem to feel we’d like to have that right (or to see marriage de-regulated entirely) someday.  But regardless of whether we’re interested in having this conversation right now, it seems that in the wake of the DOMA ruling, this conversation is seeking us out. I’ve definitely seen a spike in my google hits these past two days here on the blog. I only hope that as we do move forward in this discussion of poly marriage rights, we can keep that conversation from becoming the central focus of our movement. If this particular historical moment offers us a unique opportunity to be seen and heard, I think that’s fantastic. I just hope we can bring a balanced agenda to the table, rather than one that’s narrowly focused on marriage rights as our only desire or need.

Some of my own past musings on poly and marriage can be found at Modern Poly, Role/Reboot, and here on this blog by checking out the “marriage” tag. More coming soon!

Happy (Slightly-Belated) Mother’s Day!

Instead of a real post of my own, I’m just going to take a few moments to direct you to some poly-sweetness elsewhere on the web.

First up, a lovely post over at the Strong Families blog about poly motherhood (and sisterhood) from a non-biological mama in a poly relationship. I’ve long been aware of Strong Families, and am a huge fan of their multi-racial, multi-family-style mother’s day e-cards. So I was particularly appreciative of them for including a piece from a poly perspective. It always especially makes me happy when an organization/blog/website/whatever that I already know and respect from the feminist part of my life is poly-inclusive as well. Thanks, Strong Families!

Second, this sweet new poly webcomic, Kimchi Cuddles:

Not all the posts are about poly parenting specifically, but they’re all cute and there are more than a few that I can relate to. Again with the appreciation, it’s always nice to have art/media/entertainment available that actually reflects our poly lives and experiences. And of course, every little bit of it is a part of our growing visibility.

Finally, and having nothing at all to do with Mother’s Day: the fine folks over at Modern Poly have opened up a webstore, and they’re currently taking pre-orders for an assortment for T-shirts and buttons (and more fun goodies to come soon!) in a variety of “poly pride” designs, including a LGBTQ/poly solidarity design by yours truly. All proceeds support their poly advocacy work.